It was the night before DEFQON.1, and I was lying in bed, wide awake. My mind was racing, thinking about the plan for tomorrow. Justin, who I was seeing at the time, said he'd give me some caps for free if I brought his ones in for him too. I was taking a lot of ecstasy at the time and figured it was a cheaper and safer way to do drugs at a festival – safer than buying off some random at least. It sounded like an okay deal and an easy way to get drugs inside, but I did feel like it was expected of me, my 'duty' as the girl in our group.
I didn't get any sleep, so I was tired on my way to the festival, not to mention stressing about the 13 pills and 12 caps all wrapped up and inside me. My fears were confirmed when we got inside the festival gates and saw the police operation – so many dogs! The cops zig-zagged through the lines, weaving around people. There was no way you could avoid having a dog walk by you at one point.
I was wearing rave clothes – booty shorts, a tiny sports bra, and Air Max. I guess I looked like the kind of person who would be carrying drugs, if they had to stereotype it, and I probably looked pretty stressed. Maybe it was stereotyping, maybe I just got unlucky – who knows? Either way, I did have a lot of drugs inside me. The dog sat down next to me – fucking snitch! – and the cops start asking questions: "Do you have drugs on you?" I told them I didn't.
"The dog has stopped, its sensing something. Why is it sensing something?" I told them I didn't have anything on me and I didn't know why the dog stopped, but I was stumbling over my words. They patted me down but didn't search my belongings really – it seemed like they were just going through the motions. Then they said they were going to take me to the back and search me “properly”.
Out the back they had the strip search tents set up, and a female cop waiting for me in one. She told me I had to take all my clothes off, and then said she needed me to squat and cough. I did, and the ruse was up. Busted.
I was anxious and stressed, and started crying, but the entire situation didn't feel real. I started getting a bit manic, crying and laughing and blurring the lines between the two. It was bizarre, and I think it spun the cops out a bit. I asked them if they enjoy doing this to young people who are just trying to have a good time, but none of them would give me a reply.
After that, they tried to interview me on camera. Four cops took me outside of the festival grounds, and said they were going to film me while I answered a few questions. Three of the cops just stood there with their arms crossed the whole time, but the other one took a video camera and start taping me. I didn't have anyone else with me and felt super intimidated.
"We're going to ask you some questions now," he said.
"Too bad, I'm not answering anything."
It went on like this for 5 minutes – he kept asking questions, and I kept repeating the same lines, that I didn't consent to the interview and wasn't going to answer anything. I knew I'd be better off by not saying anything and instead leaving it to the court date.
They gave up and eventually took me back to the police tent. When in the tent, the police weighed up my drugs, gave me a court summons, and sent me on my way. They wouldn't let me into the festival, but all I had on me was my phone, because my friends were carrying my bag and wallet when we went in. Eventually, my friend got a security guard to pass my bag on to me, and I left to go home.
I started getting more anxious after I got done – I was actually struggling with a lot of mental health issues for some time after. I would instantly panic when I saw a cop; I'd be drifting off to sleep in bed, hear sirens in the distance and freak out thinking they were for me. I mean, it sounds silly, but it was fucking horrible, and something I'm still working out how to deal with.
My biggest fear about it all was having my mother find out; I was acutely aware of the shame it would bring to her and our family. My court date was fast approaching, but I couldn't access Legal Aid or tell my family, and I had no money for a lawyer. I had no idea what to do, but a friend suggested I try sex work, which I'd never done before. I was young and felt like I didn't have any other options and ended up with a career change.
I was in court for a year because my case kept getting adjourned – I got bounced back and forth between district and local court a few times over some administrative errors. Finally, over 12 months after the festival, I finally got sentenced. I ended up with a Section 10, which means there was no conviction recorded, but I didn't feel like it was a win. The entire experience was horrible.
I've always thought that the police hold a questionable role in society but being subject to their policies of violation has made me even more critical. The entire structure – the legal system, the police, prisons – is designed to make you feel powerless, less than human. A lot of police will disempower and humiliate you when they can - especially if you're a drug user, especially if you're a drug user who isn't white! Walking around a music festival with guns just to remind you who's boss, demanding you get your daks off for them for no reason. I mean, girls as young as 12 years old are being strip-searched by the cops. It's disgusting.
As long as there are police, there will be abuses of power – kids getting shot at Central Station, climate protesters getting beaten and pepper-sprayed, and teenage girls being forced to strip by strange men with guns. One day, we will live in a world without police or prisons, but until then we have to stick together and fight back.